3 Tips for Seniors Dealing with the Loss of a Spouse
3 Tips for Seniors Dealing with the Loss of a Spouse
Everyone handles grief differently, but for seniors who lose a spouse, especially after being married for several years, it can feel as though the grief will never end. If you’re trying to help a senior parent or loved one cope with the loss of a spouse, or if you’re the surviving spouse, you know the physical and emotional pain is seemingly unbearable. It can take quite a while for the widowed partner to move through the grief, and many seniors feel isolated, lonely, and depressed months after their spouse’s death. While nothing ever truly takes away the pain of losing a spouse, there are a few things seniors can do to move through their grief and eventually overcome it.
Don’t Allow Yourself to Become Isolated
Seniors trying to cope with the loss of a spouse often isolate themselves and become lonely. They have lost their best friend and partner in life, and they don’t want to talk about it or see friends, much less reach out to family members when they are in so much pain. However, finding a support system is critical; research shows that spousal bereavement is at the core of life stress that leads to depression, chronic stress, and a reduced life expectancy. Researchers also found that loneliness is particularly strong in bereaved seniors, and feeling lonely activates other depressive symptoms.
Loneliness also leads to major health concerns for seniors. Becoming lonely after losing a spouse can lead to increased risk of depression and suicide. Moreover, seniors coping with the death of a spouse are more likely to smoke, use drugs, abuse alcohol, neglect to care for themselves, and become less active. Overall, losing a spouse leads to a shorter life expectancy for seniors and an increased risk of dementia and other health problems.
Find a Support System
One way to ward off loneliness and depression after losing a spouse is to find a support system. Even if you don’t feel like seeing anyone or talking to someone, you need to practice self-care and lean on family and friends to move through the grieving process. You also should join a support group, because grief support groups are comprised of people who have experienced a similar loss. The value of talking to people who understand what you are going through is immeasurable; you will be surrounded by people who understand your feelings and your challenges with grief. Support groups also welcome you to talk about your loss and share your story without any judgment. Hearing others’ stories and learning about their coping methods will help you learn to cope, too.
Move to the Next Chapter of Your Life When You are Ready
It is not recommended for seniors who lose a spouse to make any major decisions within 6-12 months. However, after some time passes, seniors who own homes realize that it is too much of a financial burden to live alone in a large home with high utility bills and a great deal of maintenance. Rutgers professor and sociologist Deborah Carr points out: “Those who own a home may do worse because they have the added strain of caring for a house. They may be more socially isolated, lonely, and even afraid of living in a home alone, compared to surviving spouses who live in apartments and have neighbors close by.” That’s why many widows and widowers opt to sell their home and move into a smaller, more accessible home or to a local senior living community.
If selling a home is your decision, you should rely on your family to help you go through your spouse’s belongings and begin the downsizing process. Give yourself time to go through clothing and personal belongings. Allow yourself to feel a multitude of emotions and to take a break and rest when it becomes too overwhelming. Don’t allow your family to make decisions for you, but invite them to help you sort items and decide which to donate or sell. Do keep some items that bring you comfort.
Depending on the urgency, evaluating your finances is critical once your spouse has died. If your spouse had a life insurance policy, that can go toward helping settle debts or paying bills. You’ll need to do a thorough review of all of your assets and policies to determine your financial needs for the foreseeable future. Depending on your age and health, it might be worth revisiting your life insurance policy. If you don’t see a need to keep a policy, you may opt to sell your life insurance for proceeds you can put toward living expenses. As difficult as all of this is to consider, it’s necessary for your long-term comfort.
Losing a spouse is one of the most difficult life events anyone can experience. It is important for seniors trying to cope with the loss of a spouse to avoid becoming isolated, find a support system, and move to the next chapter of your life when you are ready. Moving to a smaller home with neighbors nearby or into a local senior living community is one way to solve many of the challenges of losing a spouse.
Thank You to Our Guest Blog Writer:
June Duncan
Author and Caregiver
I’m author of the upcoming book, The Complete Guide to Caregiving: A Daily Companion for New Senior Caregivers set for release in Winter 2018. If you would like to receive alerts about my book’s release, please sign up by visiting: http://riseupforcaregivers.org
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