5 Tips For Setting Caregiving Boundaries
Caregiving Boundaries:
Boundaries Can Help Avoid Caregiver Burnout
Caregiver burnout is a very real condition. We care so dearly for our senior loved one, and work so hard to care for their health and comfort, we neglect our own. Setting boundaries between oneself and the person we’re caring for can help ease the situation, as we set expectations of what we will or won’t do (or simply can’t do) for the person in our care.
Setting boundaries isn’t easy. Caregiving is a pledge of commitment, a gesture of love and support at an emotional time. Because of its emotional strength, it can follow us, becoming a standard we try to attain. Guilt builds on it, preventing the fresh, clear vision that would allow us to be resilient to giving more than we’re able.
Resilient caregivers recognize the importance of their own lives, family, and work, and that they must act within those limits. This allows them to continue caring with dedication and new ideas as quickly as possible. They seem to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change, bouncing back with fresh resolve and new perspectives.
To ensure that we can really be there, really go the distance for our aging family member, it’s essential to give careful thought to all the elements of our lives, and clearly explain reasonable limitations (boundaries). It may be those limits that we don’t clarify that hurt people the most. Limits can be about our time, our money, our space, and our strength.
What are good boundaries in relationships? Good boundaries let us maintain an emotional bond of love, concern, and caring without the negative results of desperation, rescuing, enabling, fixing, or controlling. They require us to allow people the freedom to be themselves. In respecting boundaries, we respect each other. That dignity is a valued gift often hard for an aging person to find.
5 Tips For Setting Boundaries
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Evaluate and communicate
Be realistic with yourself about what you can do – and what you will do. After you’ve come to terms in your own mind, get your senior loved one on board and discuss your boundaries in no uncertain terms, before a crisis arises.
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Assess Caregiving Needs
Gain a clear understanding of what your loved one truly needs versus what would be nice. Spend time writing down what the most essential needs are and evaluate the frequency with which they must be met or provided. For example, if your loved one can no longer operate a stove, having a meal prepared or dropped off every day is essential.
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It’s OK to say “No”
Learning how say no can make a world of difference. Sometimes in life, the answer simply has to be no. If you’re unable to fulfill a senior loved one’s request, say no and be clear about it. Don’t say maybe or perhaps. Just say no.
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Guilt won’t kill you
Guilt is normal. Unless you’re an enlightened being, you’ll feel guilt as a caregiver. Acknowledge guilt when you feel it, let it roll over you then move on. Because, if guilt is motivating you to say yes when you want or need to say no, then it’s limiting your potential to be who you were born to be.
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Don’t be afraid to seek help
Have the courage to lean on others who are associated with the senior in care. Ask them to share in one or two caregiving duties. This could be a family member, an old friend of the senior’s, even a neighbor. If no one is available seek home care services.
Because caregiving can be difficult and often requires extraordinary commitment, energy, and time, caregivers can ignore their own needs. Over time, as they become absorbed in the care of their loved one, they can cease to care for their own well-being.
One important way that caregivers can take care of their own needs is to establish and maintain loving limits. Loving limits require establishing flexible boundaries. Loving limits require that people honestly give care with open communication.
If you’re presently seeking a senior apartment, independent-living, assisted-living, or other continuing-care community for yourself or a senior loved one, don’t forget to visit alternativesforseniors.com to assist your search. Alternatives for Seniors is a print and online directory that specifically caters to the housing and personal care concerns of senior citizens and their families. You can also call our Senior Specialists at (888) WE-ASSIST (888-932-7747).
BLOG Date: Thursday, March 17, 2016
Writer: Ryan Allen